****WARNING: Some crude humor and foul langauge contained in these jokes.****


Horsie Ride

Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in and caught his folks in The Act. Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, Daddy agreed. Johnny hopped on and Daddy started going to town. Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping. Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"


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Rat underneath the bed

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation for sex with his wife. Johnny's father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously ‘What ya doin dad?’ His father quickly replied, ‘I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.’ To which Little Johnny replied ‘What ya gonna do, screw him?’


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Adam and Eve

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ‘Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?’ When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ‘God Almighty!’ shouted Mary and the teacher said, ‘Very good,’ and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’ But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘Jesus Christ!’ shouted Mary and the teacher said, ‘Very good,’ and Mary fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. ‘What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’ And again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!’ The Teacher fainted.


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The Doctor

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons."




Stand up

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"




Playing Cards

Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" The dad answered, " Your mom". Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend." A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, "what are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards." The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?" Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"


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Math problem

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

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